About a week ago, some good friends of mine spontaneously dropped by for a visit. While they were here, I was overcome with anxiety, which they noticed and encouraged me to open up to them about. They made helpful observations and gave me encouragement, which I took to heart. Talking to them opened a door and shed light on my underlying issues of self-concept.
People trying to control how I feel or behave drive me absolutely bonkers. I am not a puppet or a toy — I have free will and a sense of self, not to mention thoughts and feelings.
It occurred to me that my personal usage of this word is incredibly narrow, and that many people reading these posts might benefit from some clarification.
I spent a long time arguing with myself about whether I should forcibly end friendships with people I’ve previously dated. Several useful realizations came out of that process.
Missing my previous partners usually leads to me resenting that they don’t seem to miss me as much, if at all. Then some part of me wants to be spiteful and cut them from my life entirely, while other parts of me want to try to pull them closer — or keep just enough distance to ascertain whether they ever miss me at all. I don’t think any of these choices are healthy, because they all still focus externally, and involve trying to exert control! That’s antithetical to my goal. Letting go means surrendering control. Continue reading
I recently got out of a year-long relationship, and have noticed pronounced attachment patterns cropping up. They’re very old, and were lying in wait while I was romantically involved, but then they came back with a vengeance.