It was about ten years ago when I first realized that the words ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘evil’, and other such terms that evaluate quality were extremely subjective. It struck me unexpectedly, like something beyond myself poked the idea into my brain. I railed against it at first, then later it started to sink in.
About a week ago, some good friends of mine spontaneously dropped by for a visit. While they were here, I was overcome with anxiety, which they noticed and encouraged me to open up to them about. They made helpful observations and gave me encouragement, which I took to heart. Talking to them opened a door and shed light on my underlying issues of self-concept.
I have surprised myself a couple of times recently with my self-opinion; it would seem, without any specific effort on my part to this end, that I love myself. I even think I’m relatively attractive! Go figure. After a lifetime of self-loathing and poor self-image, this is quite a shock — especially since I was working on this two years ago and kind of gave up. What’s really interesting is that I don’t feel any pride, giddiness, or other egoic signs in it when it happens, so I’m fairly sure it’s not an overcompensation.