I’ve spent quite some time now struggling with how to let go of circumstances beyond my control. One thing has helped me to focus more on the present and obsess a little less about what might be in my future. Continue reading
The future is this nebulous haze of possibilities. We always have ideas of what it could be like, whether appealing or frightening. Often, we can see both types of futures for ourselves; this seems to happen most when we have little control over certain situations in the present. Continue reading
As my romantic attachment patterns dissipate like the last wisps of a tornado, I begin to notice the gales of other types of attachment. The most noticeable one now is in relation to friendships.
People trying to control how I feel or behave drive me absolutely bonkers. I am not a puppet or a toy — I have free will and a sense of self, not to mention thoughts and feelings.
Missing my previous partners usually leads to me resenting that they don’t seem to miss me as much, if at all. Then some part of me wants to be spiteful and cut them from my life entirely, while other parts of me want to try to pull them closer — or keep just enough distance to ascertain whether they ever miss me at all. I don’t think any of these choices are healthy, because they all still focus externally, and involve trying to exert control! That’s antithetical to my goal. Letting go means surrendering control. Continue reading
I recently got out of a year-long relationship, and have noticed pronounced attachment patterns cropping up. They’re very old, and were lying in wait while I was romantically involved, but then they came back with a vengeance.