As my romantic attachment patterns dissipate like the last wisps of a tornado, I begin to notice the gales of other types of attachment. The most noticeable one now is in relation to friendships.
Attachment patterns have been researched extensively in recent years. I feel that there are some useful grains of truth in these studies, as well as the associated theories. I am slowly developing my own concept of attachment patterns, but in this post I seek to outline some of my foundations.
About a week ago, some good friends of mine spontaneously dropped by for a visit. While they were here, I was overcome with anxiety, which they noticed and encouraged me to open up to them about. They made helpful observations and gave me encouragement, which I took to heart. Talking to them opened a door and shed light on my underlying issues of self-concept.
“Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others because you’re already full.”
People trying to control how I feel or behave drive me absolutely bonkers. I am not a puppet or a toy — I have free will and a sense of self, not to mention thoughts and feelings.
It occurred to me that my personal usage of this word is incredibly narrow, and that many people reading these posts might benefit from some clarification.