Attachment Diaries Chapter 7

It occurs to me that there are many varieties of attachment. I would be well advised to focus on only one at the moment, but knowing how they’re interconnected is also very important.

In other words, I’m not going to directly address these other attachments, but I’m going to be mindful of them nonetheless. Realistically, any strong attachment necessitates vigilance, and the less intense ones require prudence and attention only when they appear to be feeding the stronger ones. As I release the stronger attachments, I’m sure the subtler ones will gain volume and press upon my mind harder for the absence of the others.

My core attachment seems to have hopped from one person to another recently. I evaluate this by noticing that I think about someone excessively. Sometimes the borderline obsessive thoughts occur in the form of hurt and frustration more than desire of some kind. Perhaps this is one of the main differentiations I can make: if it is driven from desire, it’s more in the wheelhouse of what I’m trying to deal with most, and if it’s from hurt, frustration, or other similar feelings, it mat act as a tributary to the desire-based attachments.

I read The Rosie Project, and I am embittered. I know it’s fiction, but it basically served to provide me with a combination of false hope and resentment. I’m angry for being pressed up against all my irrational hopes that I’ll find someone compatible with me in this life, partially because I’m fairly certain that it won’t actually happen as long as I focus on it, and partially because focusing on it is a substantial waste of my time and resources.

Worse, it’s fairly crippling from a social standpoint. If I could be happy with my solitude, I would be much better able to enjoy social occasions with my friends who are in relationships. That’s especially important because the significant majority of my friends are in that category; if I can’t enjoy spending time with my friends, not only does it compromise my emotional health and amplify my loneliness, it also undermines my effort to redirect my attachments from romantic involvement onto more independent activities.

So I need to watch my tributary attachments and embrace solitude. I think these two goals support one another.

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